To friends, family and strangers alike,
Have a wonderfully merry Christmas. May you be convivially boisterous in manner and toast to good health and relations. Feast well and repay your Christmas chef with copious amounts of gratitude and devout adulation. For this a time to celebrate and give thanks for the people who make your life one of a kind.
He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much- Bessie Anderson Stanley (1904)
The Suave Urbanite
This has been an argument since the dawn of both the smart phone. A competition between the dessert themed Google OS and Apple’s constantly updated iPhone series. The latest of Apple’s gems being the iPhone 4S, showing Apple’s sense of humour, as we expected to be getting the iPhone 5. For Android our latest dessert comes in the shape of an Ice Cream Sandwich, aka Android 4.0. These smart phones claim to be the best you can get from a phone at the moment. Surely both cannot be the best?! Well actually yes they can. If we were to speak statistically, as boring as it may be for some, Android actually occupy 49% of the smart phone market compared to the 5% corner that Apple hold. Clearly indicating that Android is more popular. However, there is one major factor that should be seen here; Android is an OS that goes across many handsets and thus gives the user a bigger choice in look, style and overall handset usage. Many providers like Samsung add in their own interfaces. With Apple, it is one time line of their own phone and OS evolving which gives them an instant shortfall.
Apple’s new iOS5, which unless you are living in a cave you should know about, involves some new features never seen before on an iPhone. A notification bar, something Android has had for years and Siri, voice control software. Now, Android doesn’t have Siri and personally, I don’t think they will bother. You see, if you are sad and insecure enough to need something to tell you it loves you, then I would advise you spend money on acquiring friends. It does add light entertainment value but that soon wears off so you basically have an expensive calendar with programmed humour and emotion. Assuming of course it actually understands the command you initially speak and is not just programme to react to certain invokers. Apple also locks many features of the phone which then drives people to jailbreak their handset, something that was relatively simple up until the release of the iOS5. If you are paying such a huge amount for a handset surely you would want to use it to its full potential? Compare this with Android 4.0. Other than the ridiculous ‘Face Unlock’ which unlocks your handset with your face, hence the name, it’s a lot more open. Live widgets allow the user to constantly be updated with anything they wish. The interchangeable themes give your handset a personality, something Apple seem to have completely missed. It makes your phone, your phone. With Google also releasing the code on how the UI was built it allows people to remove and speed up the interface if they so wish. This gives your phone the little extra that most other users wouldn’t have. It allows you to be free.
Let me end this with one key fact, something I noticed when helping a friend with a new handset. When you get your iPhone you un-box it, whack the SIM in and off you go. All the icons are there and you instantly know how to use the phone. You get your Android handset, depending on which you choose and again put in your SIM and off you go. However, you don’t instantly know about all of the features and how to use everything. It’s over coming weeks and months that you learn extra things, that day that you learn how to change your boot animation to a sexy woman undressing or how you trim your favourite song to a ring tone that encompasses the moment the track drops. The enjoyment that comes with those moments is lost, and for what? So you can have a phone that tells you it’s feelings.
-Mr. Techno Notice
Good morning reader,
I hope you have your feet up this morning and are enjoying a well-earned rest from your labours, be it work or study. It was announced this morning that the January sales start today. Quite how this is possible I am not sure, even the term “post-Christmas sales” falls short. The economy is grinding, creaking and close to collapse. I have resigned myself to the fact that we’ll be seeing our GDP fall back into negative trends. Instead of rushing out into the sales, I am sat with a coffee, my feet are up and I am in front of the fire. I may venture out, but to see friends and family. My shopping’s done and consumed most of my pay check, so the soonest I’ll return to the high street will probably be Mid-January, at the earliest. This is when the sales should be. Personally I look forward to the day when we come full circle. Currently you buy winter clothes at the end of summer and summer clothes in winter because that’s all you seem to be able to find in the shops. The moment Christmas finishes, the retailers assume you want to buy Speedos for your holiday in six months time. My assumption is this, it will only be a matter of time before autumn/winter 2034 collections will be available in autumn/winter autumn winter 2033. At least they’ll be selling clothes for the right season- if not the right year.
The purpose of this post is, aside from some good-natured grumbling, to wish you all the very best for Christmas with family, friends or whomever you may spend it with. Be enriched, be loved and love in return, and spare a thought for the poor soul who is slaving away in the kitchen. They will be short-tempered and feeling under-appreciated. So keep them going with a cup of tea, a smile and an offer to help, even if it’s only to wash up.
God rest ye merry urbanites, merry Christmas!
-The Affable Rogue, Laughable Geek
Okay, I have always been a bit of a technology lover so my first post has to be about something close to my heart, smart phones.
Firstly a little about myself, I’m 24, I work in retail pharmacy, I’m a biochemistry graduate and an unabashed romantic at heart.
Since September I’ve been on the look out for a new phone, my contract with O2 finished and I started looking for my next phone. Having considered buying a multitude of phones including but not limited to: the Xperia Arc S; the HTC Sensation; the HTC Sensation XL and the iPhone 4s. I settled on the HTC Sensation XE. The winning factor being a dual-core processor and options for a better memory as micro SD cards improve.
So why not pick the iPhone? Don’t get me wrong, I like the look, I love the technology, Siri looks brilliant, as do the aesthetics. However, I am a non-conformist at heart. The iPhone has never seemed special to me because everyone has one. Don’t get me wrong, not everyone has the latest iPhone but you have to have keen eye to know the difference. Let’s face it, the next one will probably be released in the coming week at the rate Apple are churning out new models.
HTC are a solid competitor in a market which has all but seen the death of traditional phone titan Nokia. We move rapidly onward towards laptops, tablets, phones, TVs and cameras all blending seamlessly into one device. One which wakes you up in the morning and jacks you off whilst making your morning coffee. Frankly, I am amazed they also don’t ‘already have an app for that’, Mr. Techno Notice. The high-end HTC models do not, however, disappoint. This post has been written in its entirety on the bus, on my phone. Almost as painlessly as if I were writing on a conventional keyboard. There have been no problems with connectivity or the juddering, shambling monolith that is public transport jeopardizing my rambling. Despite the hiccoughing drunk sat across from me. I set myself a challenge writing this post, to finish before I reach my destination. My friends, and readers, I am pleased to say that this is mission accomplished.
-The Affable Rogue, Laughable Geek
Welcome with Christmas tidings Reader,
I feel that before you tear yourself through any of my ‘articles’ I must impart a light introduction to myself and what I may lend to your eyes and brain, an insight of sorts, as to what is on offer. The main area I will aim to focus on is technology. Whether it be up-and-coming products or advice and opinions on anything that is already part of our ever increasing techno-world. That said, we should move on to your lovely writer, who is; incredibly opinionated, a devout reader of The Guardian, and will shortly be off to live the life of a university student after spending most of my poor existence working. I believe the perfect start to a morning is an Italian infused coffee accompanied by a pastry (of kinds)and of course, The Guardian or GQ. With thanks to the broken boiler at home and having to venture to a friends to shower I am currently enjoying all the before mentioned in an alternative abode. It is a joy watching poor souls that have hauled themselves out of bed for last minute Christmas shopping, mindlessly wandering around and gawping at various products that the television has instructed them to want, or what their children must have. Due to my poor organisation, apparently there isn’t a life organisation app yet, I will be joining these wandering drones once my coffee is consumed. Oh the joys!
-Mr. Techno Notice
For everyone that has had their head down a rabbit’s hole these past few months the newspaper named i is a brief, daily publication of important nuggets of news which is published as a light read by The Independent. This paper is perfect for those who don’t have enough time to read the most superfluous paper on the planet, The Times, cover to cover every morning. I buy the times when I buy a newspaper and have enough time to sit and read it. When I don’t have the time however, I read i. Whilst reviewing my post as I’m posting it I worry that if this text was to become de-italicised I may look like a bit of an ungrammatical fool. Although I am sure you think that already. After that momentary vitiation I will return back to the issue at hand. i‘s writer Richard hall has spoken about this year’s winter months. He begins; ‘In contrast to the heavy snowfalls and prolonged sub-zero temperatures of last year, many parts of Britain have been enjoying a relatively mild month’. So with the current winter climate being much above the norm of what us Britons expect, what will this mean for our Christmases? Well, the Brussels sprout yield will be very high so lets get hunting for some delectable sprout filled recipes and stuff ourselves with a veg that dates back to ancient Rome.
-The Suave Urbanite
Dear Reader,
November 30th 2011, a day that cost the UK economy £500,000,000 (yes, a lot of 0′s). Hundreds of thousands of public sector workers joined in on a walk-out in protest of the proposed pension reforms that some would say were inevitable. Allow me to introduce myself. I am 25 years young, male and working in the private sector. I am parented by a father who is retired, and a mother who works for the NHS. As with any argument, there are two sides to the story. People have fought and died for us to not only have an opinion, but to be able to voice it (or in the modern day, type it). A good debate is measured not by how loud each person speaks, or by how many minds you change, but in being able to find the truth. Your opponent will never congratulate you on a good point, and neither will you congratulate him/her, but if you can make them think about your point, then you’ve scored a try.
So, were the strikes justified or not? Many people join the public sector for two reasons, job security and the pensions. In a day where the average life expectancy is around 80 years old, these are two very good reasons. Many unions are claiming that the government is using bully-boy tactics towards public sector workers. The changes are huge. People will generally contribute more over their lifetime, and be working longer. Is this fair? As a private sector worker, for one of the largest banks in the world, I have no pension provisions offered by the company. It is left to me to fund out my net salary. Most private companies have had their pensions stripped down, and a final salary pension is like gold dust. Is it fair that the private sector taxes should be used to fund the frivolous pensions of the public sector? But then is it fair that several banks were bailed-out on the verge of collapse? What about those that do not work for the public sector or the banks, why should they lose on their pension? I can understand the reasons for the pension reforms, and can understand reasons against it. However, I have yet to hear an argument that has helped me to find the truth. The government and unions are both at fault in making the argument more convoluted. Is there a validated hypothesis which can provide an answer, or at least a tunnel towards the light of truth?
- Maximilian Koothrappali
As a bloke I know we can never cease to agree on things we HATE about this time of year. One of those is everyone asking “what you doing on new years eve, where are you going, and who with?” Everyone knows we all should be asking “How much booze are you drinking, where are you going to get shamefully drunk this year, Who are you going to embarrass yourself in front of?” You will probably be reading this a week or two after new years day, so you will probably still have a little bit of a hangover. Ha-ha! This is me from the past laughing at myself in the future! “F@^k you… I told you it was a bad idea, next time stop drinking before 3am you bell-end! “
Here is my advice to you all before future piss-ups. Write yourself a note, from sober you to drunk you, saying; “I told you so!” It might make you feel better knowing that a tiny part of your consciousness is more intelligent than you feel. I never claimed to be insightful of wisdom, but if you read this all the way through, then you’ve got this far and for that you are congratulated. Perhaps I can invite you to follow my next episode of pointless rambling?
-The Anglophone Frenchman
This time of year is all about hearty food, well cooked cheap British classics to warm up your belly. This classic Irish beef stew is the perfect thing to cook and keep in the freezer for such an occasion. I cooked this stew for about thirty five people on St. Patrick’s day 2011, which is the most people I have cooked for, and it went down extremely well. The Beef is tender the stew is rich and the potatoes are delectable. It is best served in a dish with a few chunks of crusty white bread and butter. The stew itself takes quite a while to cook. However, this is something that you can leave and come back to whilst its simmering on the stove. It is perfect party food and something a little different to most food you see served at parties. It’s very simple, easy and tastes great!
Irish Beef Stew Recipe | Simply Recipes- Posted by Elise
“Have I got the best recipe for you!” my friend Tomas announced, upon his return from a trip to photograph vineyards in Italy. “It’s an Irish beef stew,” he added, “and it’s the best thing I’ve ever had.” Apparently the chef at one of the wineries Tom was visiting prepared this stew for Tom, based on a Bon Appetit recipe, with the main difference being the substitution of Guinness (a very dark beer) and excellent red wine for some of the beef stock the recipe called for. Always eager to try new recipes with friends, I made my way to Tom’s house and we cooked this up together for his family. As I suspected, the addition of Guinness and red wine makes all the difference.
1 Heat olive oil in heavy large pot over medium-high heat. Lightly salt the beef pieces. Working in batches if necessary, add the beef (do not crowd the pan, or the meat will steam and not brown) and cook, without stirring, until nicely browned on one side, then use tongs to turn the pieces over. Continue to cook in this manner until all sides are browned, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and sauté 1 minute. Add beef stock, Guinness, red wine, tomato paste, sugar, thyme, Worcestershire sauce and bay leaves. Stir to combine. Bring mixture to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low, then cover and simmer 1 hour, stirring occasionally.
2 While the meat and stock is simmering, melt butter in another large pot over medium heat. Add potatoes, onion and carrots. Sauté vegetables until golden, about 20 minutes. Set aside until the beef stew in step one has simmered for one hour.
3 Add vegetables to beef stew. Simmer uncovered until vegetables and beef are very tender, about 40 minutes. Discard bay leaves. Tilt pan and spoon off fat. Transfer stew to serving bowl. Add salt and pepper to taste. Sprinkle with parsley and serve. (Can be prepared up to 2 days ahead. Cool slightly. Refrigerate uncovered until cold, then cover and refrigerate. Bring to simmer before serving.)
Yield: Serves 4 to 6.
I only wish I had created this recipe myself!
-The Suave Urbanite
Hello reader,
Welcome to my article. I suppose if you are going to take any interest into what I am writing about you should perhaps know a little about what I do. By night I am a sound engineer, both live and in the studio, I operate in Nottingham, the city I choose to live in. In the day I am a graphic designer, of sorts. That is to say it is not my job but instead a passion, one that I hope will become my job. None of this really matters to you, the reader. You want to know about how suave I am. Well, I have four different suit jackets, that I wear with jeans. A pair of leather shoes and stubble on my face. I have three different kinds of aftershave and I shower as regularly as once a day! I rarely style my hair, which is quite negligent I know, but I like to let it do its own thing. These are my prerequisites for being what some people call fashionable. In reality I don’t care too much ‘accepted fashion’ and prefer to be as wayward as my hair. Having said that, December has seen a lot of interesting developments for me. I have started to tame my Bouffant using hair mousse. Nothing expensive, just a standard non-brand mousse. I bought it for a job interview, got the job and never looked back. Not only does it make my Barnet more malleable, i also get a handful of foamy fun to play with every morning. It’s a lot more exciting than my Thomas the Tank Engine advent calendar, which I have to say is a bitter disappointment. In fact I can’t remember why the younger me reveled in such a pointless activity. Every morning in december I have to force myself to enjoy a tiny slab of disgusting “chocolate” that seems to curdle in my continuously ulcerating mouth. Why do I put myself through this I hear you ask? Because my loving girlfriend bought me it as a good-will gesture, thanks love! I’d prefer some Xmas booze. Or, at the very least a Milky Bar calendar like yours. One that has a photo in each window and the chocolate is kept foil-seal fresh!
- The Anglophone Frenchman
